I am actually here in the shop, left home when I awoke, leaving a note for them. I needed my phone charger. I ate a breakfast, here, of pumpkin seeds and water. I don't want to go home and I don't want to be home. AND IT'S MY HOUSE! WTF?!! All I can think in my mind is how my beliefs could be defeating me. But I stand firm that I am right in my beliefs, because they are true. I have tons of proof and not one person can disprove them. It really doesn't matter how anyone feels. I must give up on my heart and do what is right for me. My heart has never served me. It's a trap to love someone. You will suffer for daring to love. But if you don't do it then your life means nothing. I've done it, I am done now, I give up. Now I must confront my husband, huh? Is that really what I want to do? NO. I want to get away, go to Denver with my girlfriend to the Taste of COlorado and be away from the dogs. What's more important? Peace and a clean house and no one breaking or fing up your s**t or to have someone, human or animal, there and sacrifice yourself for them? I am loosing my desire to serve anybody or any thing. I want to serve myself. That may be selfish, but I like being alone. I like myself. I have no need for a man, so there is no logical reason to be with one. Why did I get married? Oh yeah, for love. That's no reason to get married. Oh yeah, I thought we were building an intimacy that has now turned one sided. I want my son to be ok but it's his life I've done what I could. A year from now he's out! I love him and send him on his way, not to mooch off me anymore. Terah's dog? He barked at me this morning and I put him out. He's cute and all, but he's just a burden. He isn't leash trained and he pulls on my arm when I walk him, Not good for my neck. So he's killing me. My hubby, I love him, what a pain! I am not scared of him yelling at me, I am sure he will when I tell him anything, but it's a draining, pointless waste of time. Counseling would be an option if he wasn't abusing alcohol. I can't care. I give up!G..d...it!!!!No no, I must not get emotional, that's illogical. That will sap my precious energy. I can't let myself hate him either that is also a waste. Please, somebody, give me some advise on how best to oust your husband out of your house and make it as quick and painless as possible. If I lie and say I've found someone else would that make it easier? I can't say I love him anymore that's confusing. I guess I don't. Why is no man deserving of me? Not a one. Should've charged money. Should've been an expensive whore. Much more respect and more to gain in that then to be a kind, loving, decent, caring, patient, sexy woman. The Amazons had it right. Segregate the sexes with 2 seperate societies. I will probably delete this whole blog adn removed myself from the community. I will not go to any more dance clubs or venues, what's the point? To suffer the tyranny of men? Love is a trap. Sex is not necessary. These things were created to reproduce the species and I have no interest in that anymore. Intimacy is a pipe dream. Empathy doesn't exsist. I wish it did. That's why I wanted intimacy so much. No the crying will not be allowed! Spock wins! No no. no tears. N fing way! I refuse to be a little girl anymore! I embrace the old crone.
I am actually here in the shop, left home when I awoke, leaving a note for them. I needed my phone charger. I ate a breakfast, here, of pumpkin seeds and water. I don't want to go home and I don't want to be home. AND IT'S MY HOUSE! WTF?!! All I can think in my mind is how my beliefs could be defeating me. But I stand firm that I am right in my beliefs, because they are true. I have tons of proof and not one person can disprove them. It really doesn't matter how anyone feels. I must give up on my heart and do what is right for me. My heart has never served me. It's a trap to love someone. You will suffer for daring to love. But if you don't do it then your life means nothing. I've done it, I am done now, I give up. Now I must confront my husband, huh? Is that really what I want to do? NO. I want to get away, go to Denver with my girlfriend to the Taste of COlorado and be away from the dogs. What's more important? Peace and a clean house and no one breaking or fing up your s**t or to have someone, human or animal, there and sacrifice yourself for them? I am loosing my desire to serve anybody or any thing. I want to serve myself. That may be selfish, but I like being alone. I like myself. I have no need for a man, so there is no logical reason to be with one. Why did I get married? Oh yeah, for love. That's no reason to get married. Oh yeah, I thought we were building an intimacy that has now turned one sided. I want my son to be ok but it's his life I've done what I could. A year from now he's out! I love him and send him on his way, not to mooch off me anymore. Terah's dog? He barked at me this morning and I put him out. He's cute and all, but he's just a burden. He isn't leash trained and he pulls on my arm when I walk him, Not good for my neck. So he's killing me. My hubby, I love him, what a pain! I am not scared of him yelling at me, I am sure he will when I tell him anything, but it's a draining, pointless waste of time. Counseling would be an option if he wasn't abusing alcohol. I can't care. I give up!G..d...it!!!!No no, I must not get emotional, that's illogical. That will sap my precious energy. I can't let myself hate him either that is also a waste. Please, somebody, give me some advise on how best to oust your husband out of your house and make it as quick and painless as possible. If I lie and say I've found someone else would that make it easier? I can't say I love him anymore that's confusing. I guess I don't. Why is no man deserving of me? Not a one. Should've charged money. Should've been an expensive whore. Much more respect and more to gain in that then to be a kind, loving, decent, caring, patient, sexy woman. The Amazons had it right. Segregate the sexes with 2 seperate societies. I will probably delete this whole blog adn removed myself from the community. I will not go to any more dance clubs or venues, what's the point? To suffer the tyranny of men? Love is a trap. Sex is not necessary. These things were created to reproduce the species and I have no interest in that anymore. Intimacy is a pipe dream. Empathy doesn't exsist. I wish it did. That's why I wanted intimacy so much. No the crying will not be allowed! Spock wins! No no. no tears. N fing way! I refuse to be a little girl anymore! I embrace the old crone.
I agree with Walter...Dump him and tell him to only come back when he's ready to clean up...He'll either lie or hit bottom at that point but either way it causes everything to come to a head rather than slowly have a relationship crumble till there is no mutual respect or affection.
I agree with Walter...Dump him and tell him to only come back when he's ready to clean up...He'll either lie or hit bottom at that point but either way it causes everything to come to a head rather than slowly have a relationship crumble till there is no mutual respect or affection.
I have no delusions that I can help my husband stop drinking. I meant I will help him beat himself up by joining in and beating on him as well. LOL! I can't get an annulment because we were both sober when we married, and the false pretenses would be hard to prove, it's easier and cheeper just to divorce. But, I am not ready to divorce him. I will be patient for awhile. I did make a commitment and I am willing to wait and see if he can be good for me. I have decided not to care if he drinks all the time. But, if he's actually drunk, I will not deal with him. If he shorts me on the money then I will start up a big fight and he can get out. I want a $20 every time I see a bottle, so I will nickle and dime him so I feel at least as valid as the bottle. If he gets a DUI he can sit in the can. I won't bail him out. It's not my problem at this point so I won't make it my problem. If it becomes my problem then he gets kicked out with no notice. Is that fair? Maybe not, but it gives me peace. Love may not conquer, but it's patient. I really should be able to have multiple husbands. I wish!
I have no delusions that I can help my husband stop drinking. I meant I will help him beat himself up by joining in and beating on him as well. LOL! I can't get an annulment because we were both sober when we married, and the false pretenses would be hard to prove, it's easier and cheeper just to divorce. But, I am not ready to divorce him. I will be patient for awhile. I did make a commitment and I am willing to wait and see if he can be good for me. I have decided not to care if he drinks all the time. But, if he's actually drunk, I will not deal with him. If he shorts me on the money then I will start up a big fight and he can get out. I want a $20 every time I see a bottle, so I will nickle and dime him so I feel at least as valid as the bottle. If he gets a DUI he can sit in the can. I won't bail him out. It's not my problem at this point so I won't make it my problem. If it becomes my problem then he gets kicked out with no notice. Is that fair? Maybe not, but it gives me peace. Love may not conquer, but it's patient. I really should be able to have multiple husbands. I wish!
Alcoholics are predictably unpredictable, always looking for a bite, so self-absorbed, constantly projecting their problems onto others and are an absolute drain on one's energy. And the ripple affect of their behaviour goes for miles. Oh yes, they can be charming, at times...until you get to know them.
"Well, if I can't stop him then I'll help him." Sorry Bonn...but he will not get any better, and more often, helping them only ends up as enabling them to continue to drink. Throw any hope for improvement out the window now...and get on with YOUR life.
Read about co-dependency for yourself.
Hardtopickname...you make so much sense.
FUCK, I HATE ALCOHOL!!!!!!!
Alcoholics are predictably unpredictable, always looking for a bite, so self-absorbed, constantly projecting their problems onto others and are an absolute drain on one's energy. And the ripple affect of their behaviour goes for miles. Oh yes, they can be charming, at times...until you get to know them.
"Well, if I can't stop him then I'll help him." Sorry Bonn...but he will not get any better, and more often, helping them only ends up as enabling them to continue to drink. Throw any hope for improvement out the window now...and get on with YOUR life.
LOL! Hey friends I am so sorry I went off. It's been heartbreaking, seeing my family all fail. Especially my marriage.
One of my brother in laws has to go to court because he beat on my sister and my mother is all worried that he'll loose his business (twisted bitc*). I said I wouldn't tell my sister anything. (I'm not supposed to be privy, like I don't know what a biker is? Duh!) If he goes to jail for 6 months my sister will manage the biz. She's very capable. Maybe he'll get boofed by Bubba and learn something. Doubtful though because he's a big dude. Too bad, so sad. Those poor kids's future wives are screwed!
I went out with her to a Carino's Wine Pairing dinner a week ago today and it was so fun! She told me her husband is blaming her. Of course it's her fault that he knocked her across the room and bashed in her head. All her fault? Actually no, not at all; she never touches him. It's her fault for loving a tyrant.
Maybe sex is necessary for men, but not for women. If women don't use it they don't need it. If they do get "it" good they want it more.
Most women work very hard to pretend they like it to boost the man's ego. Women read relationship books, not men. Women try so hard to do everything they can to satisfy their man. All women fake orgasm and men know that, but they really don't care or they would educate themselves like women do. My sister won't do that. They have sex once or twice a year. He obviously cheats on her and she doesn't think about it nor really cares. Not her problem. I know, shocking! But is that an excuse to beat her?
Unfortunately once a man gets away with anything he will continue to do it. That is part of that belief system that I was talking about. I've let my husband drink a bottle a day and now he always will. B*** let B*ll beat her long ago and her always will go back to that. Once a cheater always a cheater, etc.
Hubby cleaned up the garage for me to have a garage sale, replaced the springs on the door (one had broken, that was scarey) and he finally fixed the gate. Maybe he is trying, maybe he does love me, but that isn't good enough. Why? Because I am not happy. Who is responsible for my happiness? Me! So I have to figure it out. I am not happy. He was mean to me last night when I got back from Denver. No greeting at all. He was cranky. O.k. fine. But don't be abusive to me. My feelings were hurt. I asked if he found any odd stuff in the garage while he was organizing and he got defensive, saying I was criticizing him instead of thanking him for all his hard work. I called him on it, thanked him for his work, and he apologized but I still woke up at 5am with bad dreams about him being mean to me. He claims I've been mean to him too but when I ask when and why he said, "What good will that do to hash over the hurt?" How am I supposed to recify it if I don't know? Because, it's not true. People hate me. Everyone go ahead and hate me because I am better than you. It's o.k. I've been scapegoated my entire life. Perfect training for the future President of the United States. Perhaps?
Thanks for the support. I got into this and I made my vows so I suppose I have to play the game. All I know is it's his choice, and if he loves me so much and I am his buddie forever then he will be nice to me. And if he isn't nice, I will treat him like any being needs and deserves to be treated, and tell him to leave. If he gets drunk and passes out I will wake him up with lots of loud noise and maybe even yelling and bitching. Maybe he wants that. He beats himself up way too much, the drinking is part of that. Well, if I can't stop him then I'll help him. Then he can hate me instead of himself.
Love is a trap for the woman, "And her desire will be for her husband, and he shall rule over her." Genesis But without this trap the human race wouldn't exsist. "The needs of the many must outweigh the needs of the few" Spock
LOL! Hey friends I am so sorry I went off. It's been heartbreaking, seeing my family all fail. Especially my marriage.
One of my brother in laws has to go to court because he beat on my sister and my mother is all worried that he'll loose his business (twisted bitc*). I said I wouldn't tell my sister anything. (I'm not supposed to be privy, like I don't know what a biker is? Duh!) If he goes to jail for 6 months my sister will manage the biz. She's very capable. Maybe he'll get boofed by Bubba and learn something. Doubtful though because he's a big dude. Too bad, so sad. Those poor kids's future wives are screwed!
I went out with her to a Carino's Wine Pairing dinner a week ago today and it was so fun! She told me her husband is blaming her. Of course it's her fault that he knocked her across the room and bashed in her head. All her fault? Actually no, not at all; she never touches him. It's her fault for loving a tyrant.
Maybe sex is necessary for men, but not for women. If women don't use it they don't need it. If they do get "it" good they want it more.
Most women work very hard to pretend they like it to boost the man's ego. Women read relationship books, not men. Women try so hard to do everything they can to satisfy their man. All women fake orgasm and men know that, but they really don't care or they would educate themselves like women do. My sister won't do that. They have sex once or twice a year. He obviously cheats on her and she doesn't think about it nor really cares. Not her problem. I know, shocking! But is that an excuse to beat her?
Unfortunately once a man gets away with anything he will continue to do it. That is part of that belief system that I was talking about. I've let my husband drink a bottle a day and now he always will. B*** let B*ll beat her long ago and her always will go back to that. Once a cheater always a cheater, etc.
Hubby cleaned up the garage for me to have a garage sale, replaced the springs on the door (one had broken, that was scarey) and he finally fixed the gate. Maybe he is trying, maybe he does love me, but that isn't good enough. Why? Because I am not happy. Who is responsible for my happiness? Me! So I have to figure it out. I am not happy. He was mean to me last night when I got back from Denver. No greeting at all. He was cranky. O.k. fine. But don't be abusive to me. My feelings were hurt. I asked if he found any odd stuff in the garage while he was organizing and he got defensive, saying I was criticizing him instead of thanking him for all his hard work. I called him on it, thanked him for his work, and he apologized but I still woke up at 5am with bad dreams about him being mean to me. He claims I've been mean to him too but when I ask when and why he said, "What good will that do to hash over the hurt?" How am I supposed to recify it if I don't know? Because, it's not true. People hate me. Everyone go ahead and hate me because I am better than you. It's o.k. I've been scapegoated my entire life. Perfect training for the future President of the United States. Perhaps?
Thanks for the support. I got into this and I made my vows so I suppose I have to play the game. All I know is it's his choice, and if he loves me so much and I am his buddie forever then he will be nice to me. And if he isn't nice, I will treat him like any being needs and deserves to be treated, and tell him to leave. If he gets drunk and passes out I will wake him up with lots of loud noise and maybe even yelling and bitching. Maybe he wants that. He beats himself up way too much, the drinking is part of that. Well, if I can't stop him then I'll help him. Then he can hate me instead of himself.
Love is a trap for the woman, "And her desire will be for her husband, and he shall rule over her." Genesis But without this trap the human race wouldn't exsist. "The needs of the many must outweigh the needs of the few" Spock
well it wasnt painless but I finally told him to go and he did...was wretchedly hard but had to be done and looking back I should have done it earlier but we can only do things when w are able so do what you can do and look after yourself hun xxxx
well it wasnt painless but I finally told him to go and he did...was wretchedly hard but had to be done and looking back I should have done it earlier but we can only do things when w are able so do what you can do and look after yourself hun xxxx
all I want is to be more like me,less like you.....
That's a real tragedy, Bonnster. I sincerely mean this on several levels. My legal advice is to get a lawyer, shoot for an annullment if you can get one in the state of Colorado. Hopefully he goes his way and you go yours. It's your house.
There is something you can tell your husband that would not be a waste of time. It's the same thing I said to my soon to be ex. "This simply isn't working and it's time to call the ball." She had options, insurance, support and love, so much love. Yet, she chose drinking instead of a program. The only exposure to treatment she had was compelled and once that was met, she was right back to it. That same self-destructive set of behaviors continues to reaffirm the choice I made. For I was out of choices, or did I ever have them? Arguably there are always choices but few that lead to the desired goals.
Your son should be standing on his own two feet soon and making his way into the world so your nest will empty soon. It may seem selfish but it is necessary to maintain your own health, sanity and overall well being. Finding your own space and creating your own atmosphere will let you breathe and you definitely need to breathe.
Bonnster, you are a beautiful, intelligent, creative and extraordinarily passionate woman. Although love is often used as a trap, love is not a trap. Sex is quite necessary, I'll argue fervently and although the primary purpose is to create offpring in us apes, it is for much more than just that. Intimacy is what people make of it and often everything else we do as a species supports that one facet of our being. Empathy does exist and this (blog response) I offer as proof of it's existence along with the other responses you WILL see, because as sure as people read it they will find a common thread and will offer comfort.
BTW, the Spock defense doesn't work long term. Believe me, I tried it. It doesn't hold long.
That's a real tragedy, Bonnster. I sincerely mean this on several levels. My legal advice is to get a lawyer, shoot for an annullment if you can get one in the state of Colorado. Hopefully he goes his way and you go yours. It's your house.
There is something you can tell your husband that would not be a waste of time. It's the same thing I said to my soon to be ex. "This simply isn't working and it's time to call the ball." She had options, insurance, support and love, so much love. Yet, she chose drinking instead of a program. The only exposure to treatment she had was compelled and once that was met, she was right back to it. That same self-destructive set of behaviors continues to reaffirm the choice I made. For I was out of choices, or did I ever have them? Arguably there are always choices but few that lead to the desired goals.
Your son should be standing on his own two feet soon and making his way into the world so your nest will empty soon. It may seem selfish but it is necessary to maintain your own health, sanity and overall well being. Finding your own space and creating your own atmosphere will let you breathe and you definitely need to breathe.
Bonnster, you are a beautiful, intelligent, creative and extraordinarily passionate woman. Although love is often used as a trap, love is not a trap. Sex is quite necessary, I'll argue fervently and although the primary purpose is to create offpring in us apes, it is for much more than just that. Intimacy is what people make of it and often everything else we do as a species supports that one facet of our being. Empathy does exist and this (blog response) I offer as proof of it's existence along with the other responses you WILL see, because as sure as people read it they will find a common thread and will offer comfort.
BTW, the Spock defense doesn't work long term. Believe me, I tried it. It doesn't hold long.
